Pabst Blue Ribbon...Yea PBR: The MySpace of Beer

You still posting on MySpace? Enjoying the familiar comfort of that basic.com? Are you ashamed that you still post on there but love it anyway? Do you only "facebook" when your friends are around? If you answered these questions positively you are most likely lonely, decked out in the finest Fubu and still lamenting the death of the Zune. Don't be embarassed I do the same thing with this beer...it's my guilty pleasure.
This is probably gonna be the easiest review I'll ever write. If you have never had the pleasure of downing a PBR while incorrectly screaming obscene lyrics to a popular song you must not be between 18 and 34 years of age. If you are...my friend you must either get out of the house or descend from VIP and enjoy this swill with the rest of us every now and then. While I'm all about the highest quality of beer available to sate my craft brew habit, I will NEVER (lemme repeat that) NEVER turn down a $1 PBR whilst stumbling around an Atlanta speakeasy. Hell...I'd even pay $2 for one ($2 is my limit tho). But be warned this beer tastes like the most generic offering a brewery can place in a can. But there is such a cult following to PBR I can't even begin to explain it. How can you go wrong with $4 for a 6pack of beer? (...well you can if you buy it from that one guy down the street who drives the windowless white van and always smells of candy, booze and stolen innocence...but you wouldn't trust that guy..I mean he doesn't even have a fridge in his van and those beers that he promises are under his overcoat are hot anyway)

Anyway, if you've never tried a PBR because you think it's reserved for either the mullet crowd or the hipster set, I implore you to try it. But don't try this at home by yourself while watching SportsCenter...it's not for that. It's a social beer. You gotta enjoy yourself while you drink this to ignore the boring flavor and "Brand X"ness of this drink. Trust your old pal here, I know a thing or two about these here beers. If, however, and you will be in the minority, you enjoy the crap outta just shotgunning a few of these in the comfort of your own home while watching that weekly CSI marathon, that's cool. But understand, mi amigo, you are either an alcoholic or a miserly drunk.



See even the baby gets it...


This beer is made to be enjoyed at its maximum with full intent to throw up on yourself later. I say this because no one wants to waste a delicious Sierra Nevada ale all the over the floor while doing a handstand while it's funneled into a hose stuck in your pie hole. No point in shotgunning an Innis & Gunn and not savoring the superior flavor notes. But PBR is made for inebriated fuckery of all kinds. Beer Pong, Turbo Cups, or "How Many Times Will Randy Jackson Make a Fool of Himself in Those Small Jeans While Using Dated Colloquialisms" you know the usual drinking games.




I want you to notice something here my loyal readers (yes all 2 of you), I have yet to mention much of the ACTUAL flavor/taste/smell/look of this beer. Because, like in real life, the taste is absolutely secondary if not like fourt-dary to the enjoyment of this libation. Will this brew win any blue ribbons in any taste constest? Unless it's up against a warm Stella Artois I can't see that happening, but it doesn't taste bad, just doesn't taste like much of the opposite either. But one thing this taste like.....a great night, a good time and a terrible, regret-filled morning.




Look: You remember how Duff looked on the Simpsons? Yea, that's Springfield's PBR. An amber that's sure to show up your favorite graphic tee after you spill it on yourself because you're so comically drunk.
Taste: Tastes like the reason why most people don't like beer. Strong carbonation, dull hoppy notes, well-balanced bitter aftertaste. Tastes great when's like "Brain-freeze Cold" mostly cuz you can't really taste much at that temperature.
Mouthfeel: From what I remember during initial sobriety it feels the same way that soda from a newer McDonald's fountain feels. It's almost too carbonated and makes it hard to ignore. I guess that's why these are great for endurance drinking games.
Drinkability: Do I really need to do this one? It's PBR! Not as smooth as Keystone Light  thinks it is, but not as harsh on the palette as my constant taunting would have you believe.
Pairing: Drink this with anything unhealthy. I promise, it makes them taste better for some reason. Fried anything or bacon-infused everything, this goes great with it. And besides Taco Bell at 2:13 in the morning was gonna be a bad idea with or without any beer as the cherry on top.
Event: Any event where Solo provides the table settings and the Red Cup is king. If you feel like either a Jersey Shore cast member and/or Gucci Man might appear or you won't remember the affair until you get tagged in embarrassing pic the next day. Then PBR is it's element. Find great party beer games at http://www.collegebeergames.com/




Wanna have a beer? Talk brews? Just shoot the shit? Lemme know by commenting.
Thanks for reading. Cheers...